Worst Jokes Ever
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes.
Your chest is flatter than pre-Aristotle's concept of Earth.
Classic.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9. Seven ate nine.
Guys, do not follow Tom, he is super inappropriate. I did a 48-hour face reveal and this is what he said:
Tom 13 minutes ago Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ur so cute I wanna fuck your pussy so hard you look amazing I luv ur face come have sex with me mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Why is England so bad at Clash of Clans?
Because they lost their queen.
What do you get when you put a vest on an alligator?
An investigator!
Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
What do orphans call a family photo?
A selfie.
I ate the Emo Emo no Mi from One Piece. It gave me the powers of black hair, depression, and suicidal thoughts.
Why is 10 afraid?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Gay.
Gay who?
You're gay.
I got my son a bike for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair all day crying.
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
How do you put a baby alien to sleep?
You rocket. 🚀🚀🚀
What did Jake say to Peggy?
"CALC-U-LATOR!" Get it? Like, "Catch you later!"
Your dad? Oh wait, you don’t have that!
Your mom is so fat that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.
Why was the orphan so successful?
Because when he was told "go big or go home," he only had one option.
Me imagining how Batman's hairline looks like.
Nobody: Me: His hairline kinda do look like a Batman symbol.
His hairline is so ugly that Martin Luther King had a dream about it.