What’s the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.
Worst Jokes Ever
How do astronauts have a party?
They planet.
A kindergarten teacher was telling a story...
A kindergarten teacher was telling a story about a farmer walking around the farm talking to the animals. She was trying to get the kids to interact, speak up, and to use their imaginations.
"Mister Farmer stopped at the cow, and the cow said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Susie, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Susie says "He said 'Good morning Mrs. Cow!'"
"Mister Farmer stopped at the pig next, and the pig said 'Good morning, Mister Farmer!'. Johnny, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Johnny says "He said 'Good morning Mr. Pig!'"
"Mister Farmer stopped at the chicken, and the Chicken said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Billy, what do you thing the farmer said next?"
Billy says "The farmer said 'Holy shit, that chicken is fucking talking!'"
"What's your name, son?" the principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."
People say towers can't move. Apparently, nobody told that to the Trade Centers.
Why do orphans suck at homework?
Because they don’t have a home.
People said that we needed to follow in Kobe's footsteps, but there are none.
What 16 stoner rode a Derby winner?
Lester Piggott's cellmate.
What 16 stoner rode a Derby winner?
Lester Piggott's.
One day, Little Johnny came home with his girlfriend and told his dad, "We're gonna go to my room and do some homework." His dad said okay. Five minutes later, Little Johnny's dad heard noises coming from his room, so he went to go see what it was, and all he heard was, "Baby, baby, oh, baby, baby, oh." Little Johnny's dad started banging on the door and said, "Little Johnny, what are you doing in there?" Then Little Johnny said, "Dad, we're just having sex." Then Little Johnny's dad said, "Oh, I thought you were listening to some Justin Bieber up in here."
"Mmmmmmmm, daddy, f*ck me harder. I love you, daddy, mmmm. I luv your cock, mmmm, lick me, lick my clit, daddy!"
Where does Hitler look first when he loses something? The attic.
I like big butts in the Kent, la la "hehehe" SUS.
"We can't go under... We can't go over... Oh no, we got to go through it!"
What do you call a group of kangaroos? Gangaroos.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a cactus? A porkupine!
Like if you like dogs. Dislike if you like cats. Other animal? Tell me in the comments!
I was going to make alligator last night, but I noticed I only had a croc pot.
Doctor: Congratulations!!!
Woman: Was it a successful delivery?
Doctor: No, it’s DiGiorno!
What types of erections do skeletons have? Boners.
