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Worst Jokes Ever
Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.
Haven't had sex since I got out of jail; although sex in jail wasn't that great, either.
What do you call a cat with a live in doctor?
An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.
Guys, can we change pride month to another month, please? My birthday is in June, and I'm not gay, and my friends keep making fun of me. I think we should change it to March because my brother's birthday is in March, and that'd be funny.
If two eagles make a baby and two sparrows make a baby, what makes no baby?
Two swallows.
I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.
So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.
What weighs 70 pounds and doesn't like sex?
The 6-year-old in the trunk of my car.
Little Johnny walked into an ice cream shop and asked: "Do you have chocolate filled ice cream?"
The man replies: "We are out of that, sorry, we are almost out of every single flavor, do you want me to get you a vanilla filled one?"
Johnny replies: "Sure."
After that, the man asks for Johnny's phone and goes to back of the store. 5 minutes later, the man comes with an ice cream and Johnny's phone.
Johnny asks: "How much for the ice cream?"
The man replies: "Nothing, it's on the house."
After Johnny ate his delicious ice cream, he searched for his watch history. And then Johnny realized the flavor of the ice cream.
Why’d the chicken cross the road?
To get choked and stroked by Mr. Big Bloke!
“We’ll choke and stroke, it ain’t no joke!”
"Jimmy Jimmy, Yes Papa,"
"Give away my Money, No Papa,"
"Telling Lies, OK, Ima Check my Bank Account."
Bill really said "your body, my choice," like, my man, it's your body, MY choice.
El/11: Ego, My Lego.
I scanned an emo girl's arm the other day. Now I own her, only 3.99 with tax. That's a steal and a half, woopeeee!
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite food? Beef stroganoff.
What do you call a rapper in a wheelchair?
Young Boy Never Walk again.
Nepali people are so fucking racist, like I want them all to be extinct.
All Nepali love momos.
It's been an hour since I crashed the tower.
After long consideration, I've decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.
