Worst Jokes Ever
The Stigg
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm in your apple!
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Dooris." "Dooris who?" "Door is locked, that's why I'm knocking!"
Life is a try not to kill yourself challenge.
If dust mites are found in dust, bedbugs are found in beds, where are cockroaches found in?
Me running from the principal because I put ten woman's rights books in the fictional section!
My dad died, so I dug his grave. I was asked why I murdered him. I answered, "Guess we'll never know who did it because he dug his own grave." My father was William Afton.
Where are the best shooting ranges in America?
Used to be in schools, but now in subways.
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but they usually crash and burn.
I don't struggle with depression. Like at this point I got it down. I'm good at depression.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
Little Johnny woke up at midnight on Christmas Eve to Santa with his pants down on top of his mom. He then said, "Ho ho OH YEAH!!!"
How was the slice of cheese 🧀 doing in the kitchen?
Cheddar!
Why can't orphans play sports?
They don't know what a home team is.
L bozos fell like my grandma on the stairs.
What's big and black?
My balls.
Interviewer: Hey JFK, what’s your favorite song by Jessie J?
JFK: I er ah Bang Bang.
Two nuns walk into a liquor store, and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had.
The clerk replied, "Heck no sister, you nuns aren't supposed to drink that stuff!" The nun said, "Well my son, it is not for us, you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers, "She has the constipation."
The clerk said, "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have." The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave. A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled, he goes over to them and says, "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!"
One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!"
The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"
"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.
The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."
Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"
Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?
Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.