Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a fake speedrunner?
Dream.
A book went to the doctor’s office and said: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got thesaurus throat ever.”
Why is he ourple?
What did the creep do when the woman said, “Make yourself at home?”
He hid in her attic.
Why can't orphans play football?
Because they can't be on the home team.
How much curry can an Indian eat? Until his red dot explodes.
What does an orphan say after a kid makes a "yo mama" joke?
"I don’t have a mama."
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him.
“Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.”
“Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”
I was at school one day, and my teacher gave me homework. Once I got home, I did not do my homework, but I watched TV. After the movie, I finally went to go do my homework. I was almost done with my homework when I got to the last question. I didn't know the answer, so I asked the closest living being to me, which was my dog, and I asked him: what's two minus two? He said nothing.
Jack fucked Jill's pussy till it stopped functioning.
You're more likely to be killed by a cow than by a shark.
If Finding Nemo was scientifically correct, Marlin would have changed into a female and mated with Nemo.
Why can't an orphan have an iPad?
They can't find the home button.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.
... It was a bittersweet victory.
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.
What's the difference between you and Frankenstein?
He is not ugly like you; plus, he has a wife.
I did just see a blind person trying to f*ck a dog.
A customer came to me and asked for condoms for tiny dicks.
Me: What is the difference between your mom and a mosquito?
Friend: Let me guess, they both suck you.