9 jokes
My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.
The people at 9/11 must have been able to read fast. If I explain it, it won't be funny. This is an old joke my friend told me.
Who were the people that survived 9/11?
The ones who decided it would be a good idea to jump.
Who are the fastest readers? The people who were in 9/11. They went through 91 stories in 1.2 seconds.
How are Kobe’s death and people in 9/11 the same? They both hit the ground really hard.
I would tell a joke, but I’m sad my dad died in 9/11. He’s the greatest pilot that went down with the Twin Towers.
Normally I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it’s two plane.
Knock knock. Who's there? 9/11. 9/11 who? You said you would never forget.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't make a 9/11 joke?
Did you know victims of 9/11 are fast readers?
They went down 100 stories in 4 seconds.
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
You learn something new every day.
Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.
Is it a bird, is it a plane?
No, it’s a 9/11 victim.
Why was 10 scared?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
You know how 7 8 9? Why was ten scared? 'Cos he was in the middle of 9/11.
"9/11 people" say that jet fuel cannot melt steel beams.
Why was 10 afraid?
Because he was in the middle of 9/11.
What do computer programming and 9/11 have in common?
They're both inside jobs.
Wash It Away - By Bradley Lewis(watersharky) and Ben Lewis and Watersharky Music Productions - Why does it always feel like I'm the one that's had a bad day?
Whether I'm stuck in traffic or showing up to work late,
Oh this 9 to 5 feels like 9 to forever been working all week
For a jerk that thinks they can say whatever they want to me
I'll just bite my tongue for a couple more days
Soon I'll be in that island sun surfing those waves
I need the beach I love the ocean
Put my feet in the sand
Watch the earth in motion
Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day
Take it to the shoreside and wash it away
Oh yeah
You gotta wash it away
Finally I'm here and I can't even stop myself from smiling
Somebody hand me a beer and I'll check the girls on the island
Don't miss my 9 to 5
Living like a local on this island time
I got those sandy toes and nobody knows jump in the ocean and just go with the flow
I'll miss my sandy toes
I've got to go back before you know this island is my home
I need the beach I love the ocean
Put my feet in the sand
Watch the earth in motion
Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day
Take it to the shoreside and wash it away
Oh yeah
You gotta wash it away
Wash it away
I need the beach I love the ocean
Put my feet in the sand
Watch the earth in motion
Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day
Take it to the shoreside and wash it away
Oh yeah
You gotta
Wash it away
Wash it away
Why is everyone scared of 7?
Because 7, 8, 9 (seven ate nine)!