3 jokes
One time, I worked at 3 jobs at the same time and my boss said it was illegal.
It got too out of hand and I got spanked.
Here’s what I did to the kids at the orphanage. I dropkicked 12, lit 10 on fire, comboed 9, punched 3, and murdered 1.
Why was Santa happy?
Because he had 3 hoes.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They can go 1, 2, 3 but they can’t go home. 🤣
Me: I been up all night, no sleep--
The lie detector I didn’t know I had: Lie.
Me: stfu! I’m just singing!
Lie detector: You literally listen to music all the time... you almost don’t even sleep!
Me: THEN WHY THE FUCK DID TOU SAY IT’S A LIE, WHEN I SAID I DIDN’T SLEEP?!
Lie detector: It’s 3:00 AM in 8 minutes, you usually close your eyes to sleep when it’s 5:00 AM... You get waken up at 7:00 AM... you only sleep two hours......
George Floyd: 3 years sober, drug and alcohol free.
Why were the World Trade Center so mad? Because they ordered 3 pizzas, but 2 came in plane and 1 went to the wrong address.
Three boys are in the 4th grade; one is black, one is white, and the other is Hispanic. Who has the biggest penis?
The black one... he's 13!
How to make an orphan BLEED?
Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.
Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.
Step 3 - Tell them to kys.
Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.
Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?
Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.
Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!
Stacy: lol
I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"
1, 2 buckle my shoe.
3, 4 buckle some more.
5, 6 Nike kicks!
1, 2 buckle my shoe.
3, 4 buckle some more.
5, 6 Nike kicks.
1, 2 buckle my shoe.
3, 4 open the door.
5, 6 Nike kicks.
1, 2, I have a gun.
3, 4, I am in a school.
5, 6, Everyone on the ground!
I swear I always finish on page 3 when I'm looking at family pictures.
The Twin Towers ordered 3 tacos.
One was just a plane tortilla.
The other one was also just a plane tortilla.
And the third one went to the wrong address.
Yo mama so fat, she costs 15 elixir, and 3 inferno towers can't kill her!
Once I went to watch a match in Portugal. It was between Penaldo and his kids. The referee was Georgiana (his wife). Mpaypal and Igayspeed were also there. The match began, and his kids scored two goals in the first 10 minutes. Then, when the match was about to end, Penaldo got angry and asked his wife for penalties. His wife declined, and he tortured and beat her up and took 10 penalties (missed 7 of them) but won 3-2. Shame on you, Penaldo! 😡😡😡
My four conditions:
1. I need coffee.
2. I need vacation.
3. I need food.
4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.
How much alcohol does JFK prefer to drink?
3 shots.