Yours jokes
Astrophysics fact: If you count every star on a Saturday night, you're autistic.
Why should you wrap your hamsters in duct tape?
So they don't explode when you f*** them.
My brother puts his butt in his face and says, "Kyle, you're cracking me up!"
How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”
Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.
When the quiet kid gets angry and the sped kid sees your hiding spot.
Bing, bang, boom!
It’s not cheating if you’re all siblings.
Teachers: Do you give your mother that attitude?
Orphan: ...
Mother, father, and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie.
During dinner time: Father: Son, what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix, Dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: Okay! Okay! I watched porn, Dad. Dad: What? You watched porn? You are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 years of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: started to laugh and said, "Sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!
Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?
Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
I know your hairline's pretty bent, but your gender's on a different level.
If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"
A telescope has two uses:
1. To look in space. 2. To see your hairline.
You're so fat, when people see you running, they can't help but yell out, "Keep running!"
Mommy, Mommy! Are we vampires?
Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!
What’s worse than ants in your pants?
Uncles.
This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom. So he asked the teacher, “May I use the bathroom?”
The teacher replied, “No, not unless you say your alphabet.”
So the boy said, “a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z.”
When he finished, the teacher asked him, “Where’s the p?”
The boy replied, “Half way down my leg...”
Tell someone that you're gonna say “I 1 poopoo” and it will go in order of numbers, so they say, “I 2 poopoo” & so on:
You) I 1 poopoo
(Them) I 2 poopoo
(You) I 3 poopoo
(Them) I 4 poopoo
(You) I 5 poopoo
(Them) I 6 poopoo
(You) I 7 poopoo
(Them) I 8 poopoo
And be like, “You ate poopoo??! EWW!!”
Once I saw a girl crying and asked, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at orphanages.
You're so wonderful that Wonderland booked tickets to meet you!