Yours jokes

I would build you a monument so that you would finally come up with clever thoughts.

"Thank you for letting me borrow your wife."

*darned autocorrect*

"Thank you for letting me borrow your wi-fi"

What does a Foreigner say when he comes to America?

"You're as cold as I.C.E. You're willing to sacrifice brown lives..."

What's the difference between a priest and customer service?

At least you can call customer service and tell them how your experience was.

Your hairline is so back down, it is in your neck.

An orphan told me people kept bullying him, so I said, "Tell your parents."

I want to be a bag so we can be together.

What do you do in India when you need to tell the time but don't have the money for a watch?

You bob your head from side to side like a metronome.

"Where did you learn to do bookkeeping?"

"Yale."

"And what was your name again?"

"Yackson."

Are you a Muslim, because you're the bomb?

A pair of Newfoundlanders, watching TV, saw endless big-budget advertisements for mass-produced American beer.

One Newfie turns to the other and says, "They say that stuff is the biggest seller in the States, but I don't see what the big deal is." So they buy a bottle, pour it into a plain jar and decide to get an expert opinion.

They send a sample to a lab in St. John's to have it analyzed.

A day later, the lab results come back: "Your horse has diabetes."

Your mama is so skinny she can dodge raindrops.

A guard at a baseball stadium let in the pheasant, the chicken, and the duck. But he didn't let in the turkey. Why? Because four strikes and you are out!

They say people can have a sharp mind. Yours is like a dull knitting needle.

Your insults are like a blank bullet: a stupid and harmless joke.

Is it just me or is your personality fake as well? Can't tell because everything about you is.

You're so boring that you make war veterans die quicker, and yet they're still on life support.

You're so dark that even God's light can't shine upon you.

"Sir, we noticed a 2-year gap in your resume."

"That was when I went to Yale."

"A Yale man? Well, you're hired!"

"Thanks! I really need this yob!"

Are your hairline and forehead friends? Because they go way back.