You're

You're jokes

Fire

  • I was camping with my buddy, and there was a fire. We were roasting marshmallows, and there was a vine. I tripped on it and went penis first into the fire, and I said, "Well, there goes your children, stupid ass!"

    Cheek

  • Can you believe they're still together after everything they've been through?

    Who you might ask...

    YOUR ASS CHEEKS!

    Poop

  • Why do you have to wipe yourself with toilet paper? Because bugs can crawl, eat your poop, and drink your pee!

    Superpower

  • You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!

    "Yah, I do!"

    Oh yeah? What is it?

    "My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"

    That’s breathing, Jim.

    "NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"

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  • Dad

  • Me: "You wanna see my dad?"

    Some kid: "Yeah?"

    Me: "Close your eyes and he will appear."

    Some kid: "He ain't appearing."

    Me: "Sorry I thought he would appear for you. He won't appear for me."

    *The kid laughs*

    Moral: Not everything is supposed to be funny text if you notice what was really going on. 🙃

    Clock

  • I went to a museum and saw clocks. The owner told me these were lying clocks.

    "This is God's clock. It never moved because he never lied."

    "This is your clock. It moved 3 times because you lied 3 times."

    I asked where is President Trump's clock. He said it was at the equator, spinning super fast for those who were on fire. I laughed so hard because it was so true!

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  • Teacher

  • When a kindergarten teacher asks a kid to sing the alphabet, he said "ab3defg." The teacher said, "Do you like 3D?" He said, "Yeah." The teacher yelled, "Okay, do you have a 3DS?" He said yes. The teacher goes into his bag and says, "Say ABCs or your 3DS will be destroyed." He says, "ab3defghijlmnopqrs." "Oh, he learned well." The teacher threw the 3DS out the window. The kid gets it, and it still works. Then he googles ABCs. It goes to YouTube and says, "abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz." The teacher is proud of the 3DS. The class went home telling parents.

    Man

  • Paralyzed Man: *gets up* I’m out of here!

    Blind Man: Did that paralyzed man just get up?

    Deaf Man: Did that Blind Man see that paralyzed man get up?

    Mute Man: Did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?

    Dead Man: Did that mute man just say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?

    “Normal” Man: Did that dead man hear the mute man say did that deaf man hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?

    Doctor: *calls 911*

    911 service: 911 what’s your emergency?

    Doctor: Yes, uh, a “normal” person just said that did that dead man just hear a mute man say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see a paralyzed man get up?

    911 service: *hangs up*

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  • Imposter

  • What is the difference between shroud and a shroud imposter?

    Shroud uses reddit, and the imposter uses WJE.

    Reddit king and q, I really dgaf what you say, you guys are practically obsessed with me cuz ur leaving hate comments on almost all my jokes, so stop. You're obviously gonna look bad if you just insult meh jokes.

    If you guys dont like my jokes, you can just dislike and not leave a comment, ok?

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  • Dick

  • My girl walks in the room in nude mode and sat on my dick. I said, "What up, your pussy?" She said, "Your dick."

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