You're jokes

Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?

Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.

That one person who can never bring a smile to your face...

Until you push them down 3 flights of stairs.

My friend asked me:

Friend: "How much is your body worth?"

Me: "1 million."

Friend: "1 million dollars?!"

Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."

Friend: "Oh."

Hi, I did not get your walk.

Do you like Wendy's when these nuts hit your face?

You're going to suffer the wrath of Gru!

You’ll parsley believe how many puns I have. Hopefully your funny-bone isn’t broken because these are real rib-ticklers.

What's the difference between anal and oral?

Oral makes your day whereas anal makes your whole weak.

I love you. You too. I love you. You have a good night. Love. Love. I love you. You and your mom, love. Love. You have the best friends. Love. You have fun. Love. Is it good? You you have to walk home from school and walk walk home from school. I have fun at home.

A dad and his son walk out to the middle of the woods armed only with a shovel and a lantern.

Son: "Dad, it's creepy out here!"

Dad: "You're complaining? I'm the one that has to leave the woods alone!"

What do you call skeletons having sex?

When the relationship is dead, but you're still fucking.

Just to an orphan.

Orphan: You're stupid.

You: You're so ugly, it's the reason your parents are dead.

If you boil your funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock.

You're American when you go in the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but what are you when you are still in the bathroom? European (you're-a-peein').

Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"

Your momma!

If you could add one zero to any number for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?

Your mama is so fat, the Marvel Universe disappeared.

Your mama is so ugly, her shadow got a restraining order.

This page is for fat jokes, right? Well, I am breaking the mold! Yo Mama so fat! That's not a Joke it's True.

P.S. If your mom is actually fat, then I am sorry that I don't care.