You're jokes

When you fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed.

But you know you live alone.

Your mama is so fat that when she jumped, they found water on Mars.

Your forehead's so big, Jupiter's moons look up to it.

If you shined a light on it, it would reflect and be a star in the Andromeda galaxy.

Your forehead's so big, it's the main foundation for the wall of China.

Your forehead's so big, it makes up half of the Milky Way's mass.

Your forehead's the reason why the Earth still spins.

Beauty is blind? Ya damn right, 'cause that's what happened when she saw your ass.

College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you, or they'll send your kid back.

Your momma is so stupid, she farted and turned the radio on to cover up the smell.

Your maw *microsoft shutting down noise*

I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."

Your mum is so fat, all her relationships are long distance.

Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!

Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.

So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.

My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"

Yo mama so fat, she stand on the scale and the scale says: "I want your weight, not your phone number!"

What’s your favorite food? Chode in the hole?

Evan, this is Mya, and your mom told me you were adopted, so we are done. Bye, don’t talk to me.

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?” When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good,” and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Savior?” But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. “JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!” The Teacher fainted.

You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!

Son, why do I not have an Easter basket?

Mom, you're 23, you don't need one. Ends calls, child support.

Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.

I always wear Puma, put my balls in your mouth.