You're jokes
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
How do you know if you're making a Caesar salad? Stabbing it 23 times.
Your hairline goes so far back that it stretches the length of Ohio.
What happens when you find a bomb at your local bazaar?
It becomes a flee market.
Your mom's hot.
Wanna hear a joooooooke?
Your life.
I can tell you an airplane joke, but it will probably fly over your head.
If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"
I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?
Me and my brother talking about relationships.
Me: We live kind of differently.
Brother: We're sort of alike.
Me: We're not alike.
Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!
My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!
If you're mad, hire an orphan, what are they gonna do, tell their parents? 🤣🤣
Do you know Candice?
Candice dick fit in your mouth!
She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez. Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed!
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
Knock knock.
Who's there? It's the Grim Reaper.
Grim Reaper who?
The Grim Reaper who is about to come in your house, smoke some weed, drink some Grim Reaper liquor, and then get drunk.
What animal can't you trust with your homework?
A: A cheetah!
Your mom is so fat that she mains Heavy from the game Team Fortress 2!
Type this in your calculator:
5 days a week (type in 5),
6 different classes (type in 6),
7 hours a day (type in 7),
x
2 semesters (type in 2),
=
flip the calculator over ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°).
If you're pan, all you have to do is get a sibling and make them get your parents to the outside of the pantry, and you burst out and then say you're pansexual!
What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?
He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”