You're jokes

Bob: Can I come to your house to meet your family?

Orphan: I don't have a family.

Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?

Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.

Dad: No, Timmy, you don't have to worry, there is no monster sleeping under your bed, it sleeps every night in the bed next to me.

Being an orphan isn’t all bad.

On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized.

You say to your slow friend: "Damn, you're slower than Stephen Hawking!" And that takes some talent.

All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.

The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"

The man said, "My wife does!"

Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed?

Me: If you're only counting me, 100%.

Me, an orphan: *laughing at orphan jokes*

Some person: Stop laughing, it's sad to laugh at your pain.

Me, an orphan: That's the funny part, what am I going to do, tell my parents?

You're so ugly that when you walk past the toilet, it flushes itself.

When someone throws something at your forehead, it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead.

I have a secret crush on your momma.

When someone says: "You're a mistake."

Say: "The only mistake I see is right in front of me."

Your forehead is so big that it has five different time zones!

What's the difference between a trampoline and a child?

You take your shoes off before jumping on the trampoline.

Your momma is so fat, when she chose a yellow shirt when she was on a run, the kids ran after her because they thought they missed the bus.

Your mother.

Depression: Here, your mom just died.

Me: My mom is already dead.

Emo girls be like, "How much am I worth? I don't know. Scan the code on your wrist."

Joe mama is Joe mama (your mother) LMAO!

Thomas Jefferson’s 80th b-day bash be like:

Jackson: "CALHOUN! YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME - IN BED WITH THE CONSTITUTION??"