You're jokes

Wife: “How do I look?” Husband: “With your eyes.”

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,

"Please send me a sibling!"

Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"

What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

Putting her back in the wheelchair when you're done.

Papyrus: Sans, I have a joke. What do you call someone lazy and incompetent?

Sans: What do you call them?

Papyrus: YOU! NOW GET UP AND CLEAN YOUR ROOM, YOU LAZY BONES!

There’s nothing funny about orphans, right?

Well, I guess that depends on your sense of humor.

Your hairline is so old, it’s more wrinkled than my great grandpa's penis.

Your mom is so fat that the photographer had to go to the moon just to click the photo of her belly button.

You see a kid on the side of the street crying, so you go up to them and say, "Where are your parents?" The kid says, "What are parents?"

Your hairline is so bad, not even God could save it.

There is this little boy, and he gets in the shower with his mom and looks up and says, "Mommy, what are those?"

She replies with, "These are my headlights."

He looks down and says, "Mommy, what's that?" She says, "That's my garage."

So he gets out of the shower and gets in with his dad and looks down and says, "What is that?" The dad says, "This is my snake."

Later that night, he wakes up in the middle of the night and screams, "Mommy, Mommy, turn off your headlights and close your garage. Daddy's snake is trying to get in!"

Your mama is so ugly that when she stood on the scale, it said "to be continued."

Your hairline is the reason why some women have miscarriages.

Your mom!

"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.

Your hairline recedes so far back that it defends your forehead.

Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?

You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-

(Destroys phone cutely)

You know what’s traumatizing?

Your mom breastfeeding in front of you.

Help!

Your mom is so fat that when she stood on a scale, it said, "We need an actual person, not an elephant!"

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Half of it. 🐛

What do you do when your cat's not home?

Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.