You're jokes
The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."
The students said, "Oof, that is sad."
The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"
The students said, "Your parents."
The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.
When you're in the war and you die and say to God, "Where is the gulag?"
You: OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL THE KRAP THEY HAVE BEEN THROUGH!
The other person: Who?
You aka answer: Your Butt cheeks.
"Knock knock."
Orphan: "Who's there?"
"Not your parents."
Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car <3
Your mom is so fat, she can't make it through the door.
My mom told me that drugs are my enemies... But Jesus said to love my enemies.
What's worse than having ants in your pants?
Uncles.
What did one ghost say to another ghost?
"You're boo-tiful!"
If you're going shopping at school, what color would I like to smell: True or False?
What do you call your angry French aunt?
A crossaunt.
You're fat. Don't sugar coat it because you would probably eat that, too.
When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I'm still choosing." She looked horrified.
A man who drinks a lot is told by his wife that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him.
Later, the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. 'Oh no,' he says to his friend, 'if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.' 'Don't worry,' his friend says. 'Put a £20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the £20 note for the dry cleaning.' 'Brilliant!' the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. 'No no,' the man says, producing the money from his inside pocket. 'A man threw up on me and gave me £20 for the dry cleaning.' 'What's the other £20 note for?' asks his wife. 'Ah, that's from the man who shat in my pants.....'
You're so poor you wash paper plates.
How do you save your wife from drowning?
Take your foot off her neck.
Why can't you eat cereal?
Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!
You're so fat your ass has 2 zip codes.
Boy: "Mister, can I get candy?"
Mister: No, you shit head.
Boy: Why? :(
Mister: Because I'm not your dad.
If your hot dog taste like a piece of wood, who you gonna call?
GHOST MUSTERD