You're jokes
If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.
Don't ever say your life is a joke because jokes are actually funny.
your (DYM 38)
A husband walks into the bedroom door holding two aspirin and a glass of water.
His wife asked what that was for.
"It is for your headache."
"I don't have a headache."
He smiles. "Gotcha!!!!"
Your momma's so dumb, she took her driving lesson on a dinosaur.
One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."
Your forehead is like my dad.
Non-existent.
Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.
What did the bread say to the peanut butter? "I think your nuts."
A chemical store burned down, and the firefighter just stood there, but at the end, the store fire just went out by itself. But the store owner still got angry.
Store owner: Why didn't you take out the fire?
Firefighter: Yeah, but it went out by itself.
Store owner: But still, why?
Firefighter: Your chemical store sells H20.
Store owner: Oh, I get it now!
Orphans are human, too! They just don't know who their parents are or where! I know four sisters named Mariah, Kariah, Lariah, and Iariah and they said they are orphans, too! And they are sad and they don't like your jokes!
Orphans are human too! They have parents like all of us, so I don't know why they're saying it's fun to make fun of an orphan. Have you ever been too cold and wondered if your parents are going to have another child and not you? That's not funny! It is %9000,000 NO!!!!!!!!!!
Your mama so fat, when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.
When the school shooter finds you and you think you’re gonna die, but he remembers the time you gave him a pen.
Little Johnny's sister, Suzy, sees her mom in the shower and asks, "What is that between your legs?" Her mom responds, "That is my garage." The next day, Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day, Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands, Suzy?" Suzy says, "Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage, so I ripped its wheels off."
When you get to feel a dick in you, then suck bro, all your stress [goes] out the window.
The sun is out, and the pedo vans are out.
Parents, keep your kids away from ice cream vans. Once they hear the sound, you'll never see your kids again!
What's the motto for a pizza place that's also an abortion clinic: Your loss is our sauce.
Edward Scissorhands: Why is it that every time I touch someone, they get offended?
Kids: Because you're a psycho path.
Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.