You're jokes
A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.
The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”
The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”
Mom, where are we going?
To your grandma's funeral.
Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.
What excuse can you use if you find out your date is a rape victim and you don't want the baggage?
Say you've parked your car in a bad spot and are just going to move it, then move your car all the way back to your home address.
Like if you're gay.
Like, and comment if you're single.
Mamma mia abortion clinic!
Your loss is our sauce.
If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.
You're so short, when it rains you're the last one to know.
Question: Did you know that "diarrhea" is hereditary?
Answer: It "runs" in your jeans!
You fighting? More like you're dying!
Your hairline goes so far back that it stretches the length of Ohio.
It would be a miracle if someone figured out the length of your hairline.
I swear, if I compared the size of your mother and multiplied it by the time your dad was gone, it wouldn't even be close to your hairline.
Me: Mom, the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!
Why are you rolling your eyes? Are you looking for your brain?
So things are just too tiring to sort out... like which adoption center you should send your son to?
I'll put white in your smile.
Your teeth are so yellow, you spit butter!
Your hair is receding more than people do when they smell you.
Subway trying to commemorate 9/11: CRASH INTO SUBWAY THIS SUBTEMBER 11TH TO GET 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR ONLY $9.11, THAT'S 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR $9.11 AND WATCH THEM FALL... INTO YOUR MOUTH!