You jokes
Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
Dumb kid: What does homework mean?
Teacher: J0K35? (J0K35 is me btw) can you explain to DK what homework means, please?
Me:
"Half Of My Existence Wasted On Random Knowledge"
What is a difference between a tree? Tree 🌲 was the day you get.
Do you want to hear a building joke?
I am still working on it.
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
Willy Wonka meme
In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.
They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"
The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.
I was making holy water, and my girlfriend walked in, saying, "What are you doing?"
I said, "Making holy water."
She said, "How are you making holy water?"
I'm boiling the hell out of it.
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.
My girlfriend calling me: I'm home alone ;)
Me: I know, you always are...
Why can you hit an orphan?
They can't tell their parents.
What do you call it when you have two Indians, one Black, and a fat White?
A s'more.
What do you call Kyson when he is banned on PS4?
A depressed Indian boy.
What did the beat say to the rapper?
"You're off rhythm, but I'll give you a hand!"
Teacher: Describe a penguin.
Student: Black, white, beak.
Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan.
Student: Sad, maybe depressed, no family.
Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow.
Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes.
Teacher: No! How does that describe a cow?
Student: It describes you tho.
What do you call a smart blonde Labrador?
A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.
"What are you doing all day?"
"Knot a lot."
What do you call a group of white people running down a hill?
An avalanche.
What's black and white and red all over?
The darkness of your heart, the dishonor of your lies, and the embarrassment you feel when busted for both.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.
My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path."
People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.