You jokes

Q. What do you call a CEO that's been shot in the head?

A. An ambulance.

What did the toaster say to the toast?

"I want you inside me."

Hey, can you hold this for a second?

One day, a skeleton wasn't laughing. Someone asked him why he was not laughing. It turns out he fell and broke his bone, his funny bone that is.

How do you make antifreeze?

You steal her blanket.

What's the difference between a baby and a ball?

If you inflate the ball, it won't explode.

Why is a tree brown?

If you are thinking about this, you are racist.

Why do you make fun of disabled people?

They can't stand up for themselves.

What do you call a vegan cow?

A vegan cow. :/

OR

A regular cow. 🐄🙌

How do you know when a cabbage is boiled?

The wheelchair floats to the top.

I see that you start work at 9am, but your hairline starts at 9:15am.

A man enters the bank and says, "Hi, I'm robbing you!" The man was arrested instantly.

A kid with hallucinations and cancer is on a Jeopardy game show.

"What's behind curtain #1... YOU HAVE WON..... CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.

You also can't breathe if you die.

So why isn't it debreathiation?

What do you call a Mexican without a car?

Carlos.

What makes a skeleton laugh?

When you tickle his funny bone with a skele-TON of jokes!

Heh.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Make him clap until his parents come back.

R.I.P. boiled water. You will be mist.

How do you know if a homophobic woman that is a Christian nationalist and Catholic is poor enough she would be desperate enough to do anything to pay her bills?

she would be willing to perform anilingus and cunnilingus on women regardless of their sexual orientation in the LGBT community.

What did one cheese say to the other cheese?

"Hello, it's a nice day, do you have any plans on what you're going to do?"... The other cheese was taken back by his politeness and friendliness, they agreed to meet again, and were soon married and lived happily ever after. Let this tale of the two cheeses inspire you to be a better person.