What do you call a Mexican who lost their car?
Carlos.
You Jokes
If you go to someone's house and see the flag of the former Soviet Union hanging on the wall,
that's a big red flag!
How do you call a very good lemonade?
Fantatastic!
If mom saw you, she would die and be happy because of you being ugly.
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
Work
Q: How do you know when Putin is lying?
A: His lips move.
What do you call a terrorist on a wheelchair?
C4.
What does a gun and gum have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.
Have you heard the 9/11 joke yet?... It was pretty fire.
Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)
Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.
Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."
If you were to drop an emo and a leaf off a tree, who would hit the ground first?
The leaf, because the emo is always hanging.
Did you hear that song about 9/11? It was a real banger!
Yo yo Zac, have you Amber HEARD about the Johnny Depp case? ARRRRRRRRRRR!
A farmer walks into his bedroom with his wife in bed with a sheep under his arm and says, "This is the pig I'm fucking." She says, "You idiot, that's a sheep!" He says, "Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."
How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof?
It depends on how thin you slice them.
You suck harder than a vacuum ever will :)
A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"
Michael J. Fox walks into an ice cream parlor.
The man behind the counter asks Michael, "Can I help you?"
Michael exclaims, "I would like an ice cream."
The man behind the counter asks, "What flavor?"
Michael says, "It doesn't matter what flavor, I'm gonna fucken drop it anyway."
Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!
