You jokes

The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.

What do you find at the end of a rainbow?

Answer: W.

Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.

You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"

Then I start to think I was the problem :(

Just kidding, fuck that asshole!

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:

"You need to park a little closer."

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

What do you call a midget born from precum?

"Half Nut!"

How do you make an emo jump? Tell him to go to the roof.

Quote Of The Day: Where there is no struggle, there is no strength.

Love you guys, and hope today was amazing!

Peace out! <3

Your hairline is so far back, I couldn't see you even when Will Smith slapped it.

You know who deserves a medal? The guy who killed Hitler.

Me: Yo, dude! Yo mama so fat when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes!

My friend's mom: Why you bully me?

One day, during lunch, a Spanish kid came up to my other friend and asked her questions in Spanish, and when she was about to say something, I popped out and said, “GO AWAY OR I WILL SUE YOU WITH BRIANNA’S SEVEN/7 LAWYERS!!!!(AKA, her seven/7 shoes.)”

When you realize your friend standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does.

If a woman says she needs to set boundaries between you and her, you would be crossing it if you are a Mexican.

Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"

Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*

You're pretty, pretty dumb.

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, "That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?"

"Why should it?" answered her spouse. "I keep telling them it's for you."

Maybe you should go on eBay to see if they have a life for sale.

What would you like as your last meal?

Fried chicken. Extra crispy.