You jokes

You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish!

You might be innocent, but if you carry a large sum of cash in public, the cops won’t believe that.

Someone was crushing a bag of chips. I said, "Are you making edibles?"

What did the cannibal say to the other?

"Can I practise on you?"

Q: What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?

A: A pool table.

Your mama so fat, she filled up Minecraft's block limit! lol XD

Can I tell you a cat joke?

Yes, 'cause it's purr-fect.

Me and my friends were talking. Then we started talking about our wives. I said, "So, I married a volcano for a wife. You never know when she will blow up."

What do you call a bunch of autistic kids in a box?

A toolbox.

Shut the fuck up, you fat bitch. You always like to roast others, but you can't walk up the stairs without passing out, you fat, stupid bitch. And I caught you breaking into someone's house just to steal a piece of candy, fat-ass bitch.

What do you call a banana that can dance?

CHUPAPIMUNYANYO BUISNESS [sic]

You're so skinny, if you take a bath you look like you're in an ocean. 🛀🏊‍♂️

Me: Hey, have you seen my butt?

Him: No, have you seen where it is?

Me: Maybe here on your private part hehe.

Him: *dumps my head on the toilet* HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR ASS NOW, PERVERT?

I left Twitter for a while, and when I tried to log back in, I found out I was suspended. I realized it was a penalty for saying some prohibited words on Twitter.

Sadly, my idol Pristiano Penaldo took the penalty for me and he missed, and now I'm on my alt. Shame on you, Penaldo!

WATERSHARKY DISS TRACK - by Firesharky

You smell like you farted FARTED harded HARDED A B Honor Roll. All Fs, you r*tarded. OHHHH!

When you split Uranus in half, it is "ur-anus." That's why it has a butts joke. Weird.

Okay, I'm so sorry, Alya, and Drew. I didn't mean to say that you guys were stupid and cringy. I mistyped. Can you guys forgive me by any chance? I'm so sorry :(

If you argued that God was a woman, 49.8% of the US population would try and raise Hell.

Just to ask the other guy.

Talk about a male supremacist religion.

My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.

Yo mama so fat, you deported herself.