You jokes
Hi, father, I failed the class, you mommy!
Your forehead is so big, you look like Megamind but with no superpower, just a big forehead!
Your dad left you because he went for milk.
*1,000,000 years later*
Her: Dad come back!
Him: FBI open up!
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
Poor guy really needs some space.
"Why can’t you be comfortable with my own body?"
"I think you should ask yourself that."
Stop sign: If you speed, I'll call your parents.
Orphans: Going 180.
Your dad left you 10 years ago and you're 10 years old, so your dad anniversary is today.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Steven.
Can't you read? It says, "No Hawking."
What do you call a group of kangaroos? Gangaroos.
Did you hear they’re making an Elmo toy to appeal to the Tourette’s crowd?
I believe it’s called the “Tic Me Elmo.”
When you have an ex, you will notice that the word "ex" is short for "executed," so that's there for yous.
What's the difference between 8 and 9? When you have the 9, everyone wants to be your friend.
A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia.
The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"
Have you ever heard of horchata? Horchata, fuck up!
What do you call getting assaulted by a gay man? Fruit punch.
What do you call a not potty trained human?
Amber Heard.
You got a pig head!
You are so dumb.
You are so cat.
Like this if you like me.