You jokes

Add joke

Egg

What is the difference between an egg and you? An egg gets laid, and you don't.

Pianist

1st person: What do you call a blind pianist?

2nd person: What?

1st person: A pianist.

Orphan

Do you wanna know why orphans don’t play baseball?

They don’t know what home is.

Adoption

What do you get when you cross an adopted kid with a river?

Moses hits the adoption lottery!

Internet

What's the difference between you and the internet? People want a connection from the internet.

Memes

You memes

Paper

Why does the paper follow up with wine because it was junk? Do wrong, so wrong that you don’t even exist because nobody even eats it. Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! Haha ha ha! Haha ha haha ha ha! Ha hah hah hah ha!

Cocaine

Police: Hey man, look at this! *throws cocaine at fan and it flew back into his face* Me: Are you okay? Police: Looks like I "crack"ed the case.

Animal

The thing about animals is every time you pick one up, you have to put it down.

Honda

What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Honda? Just the Honda.

God

Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.

Texter 2: How?

Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.

Child

Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."

Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."

Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."

Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."

Advice

I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️.

A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say.

Rapper

What do you call a group of rappers waiting in line?

A rhyme queue.

Night

What do you say when you hear someone tripping over at night?

Goddammit, Jamal!

Rose

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Like petals in the wind, My heart dances for you.