I bet when you take a bath, they give you the whole pool. No, better yet, the ocean!
You Jokes
I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. 🫣🤣😂
You're so fat, when you jumped, the whole planet wiggled.
I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.
What do you call a chubby Robert Pattinson? The Fatman.
I have returned. Anyways, what do you call it when you're actually in Panera Bread, being in Panera Bread?
What did the shell say to the shell?
"Shell you later."
What is the difference between a carpet muncher and a female prostitute?
If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
Repeat after me: shut up; shut up; I don’t shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
What do you call a red potato?
A tomato. 🍅
(I know it's cringe!)
What's the difference between you and a calendar?
Calendars got dates.
Did you know your dad was a magician? He disappeared the second he saw your ugly ass face!
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.
What do you call Moby Dick's dad?
Papa Boner.
Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident?
To the I.C.U.
Your forehead is so big, it gets home 50 min before you do.
You used to be someone’s sunshine, but sorry, the climate changed. 😂😂😂😂
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
Correctly spelled.
Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?
Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.
Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!
Stacy: lol