You jokes
What's the difference between you and your mom?
I slept with your mom.
What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?
One won't scream when you remove their meat.
What's the difference between you and the internet? People want a connection from the internet.
Q: What do you call a magic owl?
A: HOOdini
Your Mom tells you to take out the trash, and the next day the Police are asking if you bombed the School.
In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.
They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"
The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."
What food makes you smart? Salt, because it's a mined food.
My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.
Because all I do is pound it, man. I would put you on my "600 Pound Life" if you didn't weigh 1,000.
Because all I do is pound it, man, I would put you on my 600 lb life if you didn't weigh a thousand.
What do you call a child predator and an illegal immigrant? Alien vs. Predator.
What do you call a modern-day plague doctor? A COVID doctor.
What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers? A redneck virgin.
What do you call a green boner? The Grinch.
How do you get a baby to stop crying?
Simple... you staple its mouth shut.
Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.
The police: You finally figured it out.
You know, life as a pufferfish is tough. They get startled, then they get hard.
You really can't call Stalin bad. Just think about the people that wanted to die.
You really can't call Stalin bad, just think about the kids that depression.
How many babies does it take to paint a barn?
Depends on how hard you throw them.