There was a cowboy riding in a desert when he saw a little girl up ahead. He heard her crying, so he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her: "Hey, what's going on? Why do you cry? Where are your parents? What happened?"
The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The Indians came, killed my father and my mother, and raped my sister."
The cowboy just laughed, unlocked his belt, and pulled his trousers down and said, "Guess it isn't your day, is it?"
My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides "customer service" at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, "DYFS, you beat em, we treat em." My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, "City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em." These bitches have no class! I'm an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, "Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking."
When I was acting up, my mother used to tell me, "I brought you into this world, and I will take you out. I gave you life, and I can also take it." So my son was acting up and talking back to me. Now I'm being charged with murder. I don't understand. I thought it was okay to kill your own kids.
Suck tiny dick, now you have STD's.
If you ever get mad, just punch an orphan. What are they supposed to do? Tell their parents?
So, I was watching YouTube, and then my friend says, "Those videos never get old." I replied, "Just like a Make-A-Wish kid." After I said that, he shot me in the head and said, "And now neither do you." Now I’m in Heaven, and God says to me, "Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies," and I said, "Are there summer women?" Now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero after he killed Hitler.
I told her "I love you." She said, "I love me too."
L: you
You: 😂
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry.
The village people said that they need their idiot back; you better get going!
You know what's the worst about having a daughter with cancer?
You can't pull her hair when you hit it from the back.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
You dress her up as an altar boy.
The waiter asked me, "How would you like your steak?"
I replied, "As soon as possible!"
What do you get when Cayden steals your sandwich? A knuckle sandwich.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
I didn’t know you could yodel!
A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
What do you call an Afghan in the bath? A bath bomb.
You have Chinged your last Chong.
What do you get when you cross a clergyman and a politician?
A panhandler.
Are you a grave, 'cause I want you on me?
