What do you call an Afghan in the bath? A bath bomb.
You Jokes
You have Chinged your last Chong.
What do you get when you cross a clergyman and a politician?
A panhandler.
Are you a grave, 'cause I want you on me?
Me: Sister, stop stealing my stuff or I will make you feel bad.
Sister: No, I won't stop.
Me: Fine, I'm telling the world what you did.
Sister: What? You will see when I post it.
Sister: WHY DID YOU TELL THEM I PEED ON SANTA CLAUS WHEN I WAS 12 YEARS OLD?
Me: BECAUSE YOU DON ΜT HAVE A LIFE.
Girl: Hey. Boy: Hi? Girl: I need to tell you something... Boy: WHAT? Girl: I like you. Boy: And I hate you. Boy: YOU'RE A CHICKEN ππ π Girl: I HATE YOU YOU POOP π©π©π©π© Girl: LOSER L Boy: I thought you said you liked me. Girl: SHUT UP CHICKEN/POOP π©π©π π Boy: GIRL BYE Girl: Bye Felicia.
Is your oven running?
Then you better go catch it!
Is your tap water running well?
Beta, go catch it!
What do you call a pissed off midget?
A micro-aggression.
Mom: "I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes."
Me: "Why did you?"
Mom: "I was very drunk..."
Explains a lot...
*Watches sad movie with family*
Everyone else: *Crying*
Sister: How aren't you crying?
Me: I have no tears left to cry...
Can't wait to meet you!
So join the Depression family!
We open real soon!
Try best to hold onto sanity!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Insomnia.
You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can't cry myself to sleep anymore...
Are you suicide, 'cause you're always on my mind?
Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were just texting.
What do you get when you throw a pile of dead babies into a fryer?
Kentucky Fried Children!
What's it called when you eat those same babies?
Finger Lickin' Good!
Whatβs the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady?
Answer: You can unscrew a lightbulb, but you canβt unscrew a lady.
Are you a race car?
Cuz Iβm tryna fuck.
How do you shut Helen Keller up?
You give her mittens.
So, this woman had a job. She wanted to hang out with her boyfriend, so she lied about having the coronavirus. Then she got out of work. Then she was texting her boss when she thought she was texting her boyfriend. Then she said, "I lied. Now we can...you know...water...sigh...lick...sigh." Then her boss texted, "Ew and YOU'RE FIRED."
One more story: One day this teen named Alexis got kicked out of a house, then went to live with her boyfriend. Then she got pregnant and posted it all on social media.
