You jokes
Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"
The terrorists both say, "A beer."
The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"
One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"
What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu? Pikachu, I choose you!
What's the difference between 8 and 9? When you have the 9, everyone wants to be your friend.
Do you know why boys can't ask girls out? Because they don't have any balls to ask girls out!
Me and my friend roasting each other.
Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.
Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.
My friend, you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs.
Okay, what do you call a dummy that writes a dumb writer?
What do you call a stupid pig? A pious.
SON: “Mommy, I found Daddy!”
MOM: “What did I tell you about digging in the garden?”
You're so ugly and fat, and you're so lazy you can't even get your ass up and walk.
I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.
What do you call a movie about an orphan?
The Bat Man.
Person: You're so ugly.
Me: You ugly.
Person: I'm not a mirror.
Me: And I'm not your reflection.
When it's not just a phase and you kill yourself to prove it.
Roses are red, violets are blue, in the middle of the day, give me money, you!
What do you call Scooby Doo with a blunt in his mouth? Scooby Dooby.
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 911 victims?
Well, probably their kneecaps.
Little Johnny walks out to the garage and sees Dad smoking a cigarette. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage and sees his Dad drinking a beer. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a big plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven. His Dad says, "Wow, Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies. You think I can have some?" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass?" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, yes, Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass." Little Johnny says, "Well, Dad, you can go FUCK yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"
What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"
Like if you love food!