You jokes

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.

Hey, are you a terrorist? 'Cause I rate you 9/11.

What's the difference between the righteous and a sinner?

You decide.

What's the same about a newborn and a football?

You can kick them both very easily.

You call it Hell. I call it Saunaworld DX.

What do you call a group of depressed people? The Suicide Squad.

You know you're fucked when the speed bump screams.

Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."

Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)

Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.

I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"

I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3

Why did the chicken say to the football guy, "You quarter?"

Is it necrophilia if they die while you're having sex and you just don't realize?

That's what happened to my dog.

I hope when you count, you lose the number you were on.

Jesse: Do you like my ball?

Mike: Yes, they are very big. I can’t even fit them in my mouth. You bought a new ball, right?

Jesse: No, they do not leave me.

I was gonna roast you about your chin, but I didn't know which one to talk about.

You know what I said to the chair? "Sit!" But it didn't move. Hahaha!

Have you heard the 9/11 joke yet?... It was pretty fire.

Like if you hate school.

How do you know if spaghetti is a boy or a girl? It's meatballs.