You jokes
What do you call an autistic person playing a guitar?
Guarded.
What do you call a rapper who works at the BANK?
Lil Teller.
You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
What’s the difference between weed and pussy?
If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.
What do you call a gay drive-by?
A fruit roll up.
If at first you don't succeed, blame it on the patriarchy.
Welcome to Alex's orphanage, you make 'em, we take 'em.
“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”
No sun.
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon....I'll let you know.
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
Did you know that the first French fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
What do you call a beehive without an exit? Un-bee-lievable!
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barber-queue.
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
How do you make a lesbian upset?
Give her a multiplication test.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.