You jokes

Pizza

  • Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.

    Titanic

  • Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.

    Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!

    Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-

    Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!

  • 4
  • Child

  • Mary: If you born pikin (child) inside shop, wetin you go call that pikin (child)?

    Mike: The pikin (child) go bear Bishop.

  • 1
  • Orphan

  • Science experts say when you get mad, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

    Ball

  • Two balls sit inside a bucket. One turned to another and said, "Hey man, boing, are you sentient, too?"

    The other one said, "I’m sapient, you are sentient!"

    BOINGZINGA!?!

    Bridge

  • Mother: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow?

    Me: Leads a marching parade off the Golden Gate Bridge.

    Loneliness

  • It's funny how you feel so alone with depression, and yet once you tell people on some random website, so many people relate. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the loneliness.

  • 2
  • Friend

  • Friend 1: Did you?

    Depressed friend 2: I didn't!

    Friend one: Swear on your life!

    Depressed friend 2: I swear.

    A week later friend 2 dropped dead to their utter delight.

  • 1
  • Cliff

  • Mum: If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?

    Me: Oh yeah, no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first.

  • 4