You jokes

Do you know who Dee is?

Dees nuts!

What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?

"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"

You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are K, F, and C.

When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?

You have two brain cells; one is lost, and the other is out looking for it.

In the bus, you can't spell "black" without "back."

I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"

Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome on the beach?

A baked potato.

Like if you are a simp.

What do you call Snoop Dogg’s giant turd?

Poop Logg.

I call this my great talk with Siri.

Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.

Siri: My mother? Huh?

Me: Did I stutter?

Siri: Interesting question.

Me: It wasn’t a question.

Siri: I’m not sure I understand?

Me: You should understand.

Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?

Me: No, you b***.

I will always remember my grandma's last words: "What are you doing with that pillow?"

What do you call a disabled Chinese person?

Sum Ting Wong.

There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."

Did you guys know that Chancellor Palpatine is suing Nike?

Apparently, the company stole his slogan: Just "Do It."

Imagine you ask a girl out in braille.

And she leaves you on felt.

Did Mr. Rusher play tennis in the dark?

You will get hit by the tennis ball! Ouch, Mr. Rusher said.

How do you cut your grass without a lawn mower?

You dye it blue and it will cut itself.

How do you cut your grass without a lawnmower?

You dye it blue and it will cut itself.

What do you call an emo that crossed a road? Roadkill.