Dentist: Open up, sir.
Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.
Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.
Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.
Dentist: Do you need help??
Me: Yep.
Dentist: ...
Me: ....
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”
Why couldn't your mom make you dinner? Because she's dead!
When your little brother knocks your two Jenga towers you made with his toy airplane,
You: "Hey, stop trying to recreate the Twin Towers!"
What do you call a flat-chested emo? A cutting board.
"Do you have a noose?"
"Nose?"
"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."
"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"
"No."
*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*
What do you call a dark, average height Punjabi male?
Josiah.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but nobody cares about you.
Your hairline pushed back lookin' like you got slapped up by Will Smith.
"I miss you.
Being happy was never that hard without you..."
Someone's dad: You think he/she wants to join me? I didn't get the milk...
Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?
Roses are red, violets are blue. You belong in a zoo, but don't worry, I'll be there too. Just not in a cage, I'll be laughing at you.
To whoever @heil dem anfuhrer is, I hope you know I can’t understand what you’re saying. So next time you get on an American website, please speak English, and I don’t speak whatever European language that is.😊
Roses are red, violets are blue, if I had a brick, I’d throw it at you.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I have a traitor friend, and that is YOU.
Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"
The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"
Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."
Roses are red, violets are blue, if you take Kirby’s food, he will stab you.
Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"
The child said, "A mistake."
You were sad because your grandmother died.
The next day, you were washing your face, and you realize sadness made your face BLUE.
My cousin’s friend spelled “racist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”
