You jokes
When creating the world, Jesus made the water salty. A person comes up to the water, drinks it, and says: "Why are you so salty?"
If you combine math and meth, you will become Einstein White.
Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?
Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!
You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."
What is the similarity of a bomb and a baby?
When you drop them both, everyone screams.
Where can you find the most dads?
Milk Island.
How do you know if you're making a Caesar salad? Stabbing it 23 times.
I looked at you, and you were bald until I got slapped up by Will Smith to the back of your head and saw the Great Wall of China.
Me: You have terrible jokes.
Mum: Shows me a mirror.
What do you call a special needs kid with a motorcycle?
Motor disease.
What do you call the door that is cute and adorable?
Sex is basically math. You add the bed. Subtract the clothes. Divide the legs to multiply inside.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage?
A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.
In a deep village in Germany, an old man asked his granddaughter, "What are you doing?"
His granddaughter replies, "Removing Polish with chemicals."
Grandpa said, "When I was young, I did the same."
Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"
Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."
You learn from the best.
What do you call a blank piece of paper?
Women's rights.
What's the advantage of being a grade A paedophile? You know it's not period blood.
Do you know why there is no “f” in “orphan?”
Because it stands for family.