You jokes
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face as you climax.
What do you call a cow that doesn't produce any milk? An udder failure.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Two cows are standing in a field.
Cow 1: Did you hear about the outbreak of mad cow disease?
Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.
Friends are like penguins.
If you stab a penguin, they die.
A guy goes to see his psychiatrist dressed only in bubble wrap. When he gets there, he asked the psych, "Can you please help me?"
The psych says, "No, I'm sorry, I can clearly see your nuts."
What would you call four Mexicans drowning in a lake?
*Answer: Quatro Cinco*
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
How do you give a redneck a circumcision?
You kick his sister in the jaw.
Were you born on the side of the highway because that’s where all mistakes happen?
What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person? "What's bringing you down?"
You know why I hate paper? It's TEAR-able to the environment.
You take care of chickens. Does that make you a chicken tender?
What do you call black people in pool?
Coco Pops.
What did the watch say to the failing watch company?
"You better watch it!"
Why should you stay away from trees? - Because they wanna be leafed alone.
What do you say to a magician with autism?
Are you "Autism-ic?"