You jokes
Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
Why were you born?
Because I asked out your mom on accident.
Where do you take Stephen Hawking: to the hospital, or PC World?
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender replies, "For you? No charge!"
Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*
Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?
Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~
When it comes to recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
A ffsshh.
What do you call a pig that pulled a leg? Pulled pork.
When Stephen Hawking is ill 🤮, do you take him to Curry's PC World or the doctors? 😂😂😂😂
If you need to squint to read this...
You probably need glasses.
Q: What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A: A pool table.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot wheels.
How do you spell racecar backwards?
racecar
How do you spell racecar sideways?
Paul Walker's death.
You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.
What do you say to a pig with no nose? You have n'ought a snout!
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrel-elephant ;)
I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."
You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish!
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.
Stephen Hawking tried comedy.
His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."