What's the difference between you and Hitler?
Hitler knew when to kill himself.
You Jokes
You know Sally? She's dead now.
What do you call a plane with no wings? Sally.
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A Labracadabrador.
What do you do with a dog that has no legs?
Take him for a drag.
Two pedophiles talking to each other:
"Do you got two fives for one ten?"
What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.
What kind of jeans do you wear to church?
Holy jeans!
Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
You set it on fire; then it goes, "WOOF!"
Where do you find white people on a bench?
- The NBA.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
Q: What do you call a man in a wheelchair?
A: Disabled.
What do you call a psychic dwarf on the run? A small medium at large.
What do you call a lazy potato chip? Lays!
What do you call an animal with 3 eyes, 2 mouths, 6 noses, and 4 ears?
What do you call a flamingo with 20 toes?
A flamingo.
Have you ever seen the clown in Walmart that hides from gay people?
No..... Really?
Hahaha
Grasshole.
The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.
Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."