You jokes
What do you call a white man having intercourse with a black woman?
An Oreo.
They say that bad things happen to good people.
So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"
"Yes," she purrs, "I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that little thing?
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Your brother is gay, and so are you.
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.
I guess you can say he xxxpired.
What do you call a dwarf with ESP that escaped a prison?
A small medium at large.
What do you do with a broken bird? You re-parrot!
Roses are red, Violets are blue... I fucked your mother's ass, and she had you.
Hey girl, are you a drill sergeant, because you have my privates' attention.
Hey girl, are you osteoporosis, because you're giving me a "bone" condition.
Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.
What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
Do you need an ark?
Because I Noah guy!
How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?
Mufasa.
What’s the difference between a tuna and a tube of glue?
You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna.
What happened to the glue?
I knew you would get stuck on that!
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.