What do you say to a woman who is completely beaten up on her face, full of bruises, and has a broken jaw?
"Will you listen now?!??"
You Jokes
A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."
What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.
Is your fridge running?
Why yes, it is!
Then you better go catch it!
So, my dad was drinking, so he was drunk, and I was sad. But can you be my friend, please?
When you steal the weird pet rock, so he pulls out his pet Glock.
How many people do you think are in a graveyard? Hopefully none.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?
You got off clean.
A robber robbed a bank and ran into the road and got hit by a car.
The cops said to him, "That's CARma for you!"
What do you call a bear without an ear?
B.
Question: Do you know who Candis is?
Answer: Can dis dick fit in your mouth?
So my mom said, "Did you do your homework?" Well, I say yes, and in the hour, I yelled, "This is fake, not real!" 😅😅😅
What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow!
What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."
Two cows are out grazing in the field. One cow says to the other cow, "Aren't you worried about this mad cow disease that's been going around?" The other cow replied, "Why would I be worried about mad cow disease? I'm a rabbit!"
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire? Hot wheels!
What do you call a fat bitch that eats cum from used condoms? Your mom!
What do you call a stalker stalking himself? A narcissist.
Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.