Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."
Kid: How much do you get paid?
Teacher: Minimum wage.
“I really hate cats” my friend replied with" you gotta be kitten me."
We never saw him again
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.
What do you call a nine year old with no friends? A sandy hook survivor
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."
What do you call a short student?
A Ravin.
What do you call a bullet head?
JFK.
Hey, did you hear about the cat revolution? It was a cat-astrophy! I guess we just have to stay PAWSitive!
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
What do you call it when you see Chinese people in a gang?
The "Ching Chang Gang."
An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"
Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"
Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
So a woman walked into a bar. There was a man. She went up to him and said, "You're cute." He said, "Yeah, and you don't deserve equal rights."
What do you call a kid with no arms or legs?
Names......
Tonight I'll be eating freshly grown pork cutlets with a fresh juicy amount of Poké Balls.
Do you get what I am trying to poke out?
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
What's the difference between an onion and a baby?
One makes you cry when you cut it up.
What do you get when an American talks to an Aussie and a Kiwi?
Two Aussie.
Q.What do you call a cow with only two legs A. lean meat
