You're like a vacuum cleaner. Why? Because you suck.
You Jokes
A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are being chased by bandits. They are chased to the edge of a cliff and a genie appears.
"I will help you escape," says the genie, "say what you wish to turn into, and you will become that thing."
The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Hawk." She turns into a hawk and flies away. The red-head says "Falcon." She turns into a falcon and flies away. Now the blonde is alone and the bandits are getting closer. She makes her decision and backs up, then runs toward the cliff. And...she trips and says "Crap."
The End
Back in ancient Greece, there was a Greek Skyrim, but instead of FUS ROH DAH, the main character said, "Me damnit, Ganymede, get the #10 lightning bolt, I hate it when Helios lets his kids drive!"
If you don't get this, look up the story of Phaethon, and if you STILL don't get it, then you are dumb.
You know the only way to win is you have to actually planet.
We are gonna crush you in the try not to laugh.
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
What do you call a lesbian? Me.
What do you call a fat fortune teller? A four-chin teller.
What happens when you get a virus-related sickness? It goes viral on Twitter!
Time heals all wounds.
Unless you have AIDS, when time kills you slowly and painfully.
What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap a mosquito, it stops sucking you.
A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The bartender says, "Don't you mean a Martini?" The Roman then says, "Look, if I want a double, I'll ask for one."
You know the drill, but do you know the hammer? Hah, nailed that one.
But I also think I screwed it up.
Hey, you wanna hear something funny?
An atom makes up everything. Half of this site contains this joke. Don't trust the internet, kids.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Are you kidding? Feminists can’t change anything.
What do you do when your dishwasher breaks down?
You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.
Do you think you can solve a riddle about my penis because I don't think you can...
It's too hard.
What do you call a homeless bounty hunter?
Hobo Fett!
Two boys are talking on the bus.
Boy 1: I feel like I'm forgetting something.
Boy 2: Hey, did you hear about that school shooting last week?
Boy 1: Oh, that's right.