You jokes

What do you call a dictionary on drugs?

High definition or addictionary.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No-eye-deer (no idea).

What do you call a fish without eyes?

- Fsh.

If you have 20 apples and you ate 2, how many do you have left?

0 because you have 20 and take away 2, you have 0 left.

You know, eBay sucks. I was looking for a lighter, and it gave me 18,906 matches.

Hey, guess what I got for my birthday.

No, what did you get? Older.

What place can you find a cow? Mc'Donalds (Eieio)

"Did you guys make sure Stephen was plugged in?"

HEY! You guys need to S T O P making Stephen Hawking jokes. He has done so much for the theoretical physics world, and THIS is how you choose to repay him? All 653 of you should be ashamed of yourselves.

An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."

Joker: How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?

Person: Because he felt it in his bones?

Joker: He read the weather forecast, you f*cking idiot.

2019, where you can change your gender at a snap of a finger.

Boy: Have you heard of the cool kid who just told us he had autism?

Teacher: What?

Boy: Well... never mind, he's well supported.

I'm supposed to put a joke here.

But I can't find a mirror...can you find one yourself?

I'm sure you'll laugh.

Rey: Join me, Ben, you don't have to be alone anymore, join me.

Ben: But Rey, I've always been solo.

"I only eat food on the right of my plate."

"Are you good at eating?"

"I'm alright at eating."

How can you help a llama on holiday?

Alpaca your bags.

Do you want to buy my Hoover?

I mean... it's just collecting dust.

What do you call an infant with no legs?

Ground beef.

How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?

If you said he felt it in his bones, you're wrong. He watched the weather forecast.