You jokes

What do you call a baby in the crib?

Boys and girls watch Monsters, Inc.

What do you call a pig doing a karate chop?

You look like a 2 year old drawing that came alive.

I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"

I caught my sister licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that for?" She replied, "I'm doing it for practice for your friends."

I told my mum that a few guys tell me that you're a MILF.

My mom said what that is. I reply, "Mom, I'd Like To Fuck." My mum started out to laugh, then she told me, "Well, now you need a new stepdad."

A blind man walked into me at a store. I said, "Watch it, bitch!" and he said, "Sorry, I didn't see you there."

Me: Have you ever went sky diving?

Friend: No.

Me: Well don't, it sucks.

Friend: Why?

Me: They gave me a parachute and I lived.

One time this kid came back from school and said, "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said, "Good news please," and the boy said, "I got 100% on my math test today." and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said, "Now to the bad news, I LIED!"

Have you heard about the smart traveler? He's clearly going places.

What do you call a hill with cows on it?

A Moo-ntain.

What do you do when you made a misteak?

You do some yoga 🧘‍♀️ and say, "Namaaa steak."

You wanna know what's a concept? An orphan being homeschooled.

Did you know all Canadians have the same blood type?

They all have blood "eh."

Where do you find a cow with no legs?

Right where you left it!

How do you know someone is fucking dumb?

They put jokes that have been used several times already.

Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!

You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)

Who are you to believe if you don't believe in unicorns?

Believe in unicorns, and they'll believe in you!