My friend:What are you doing Me:I ́m making holy water My friend:How? Me:I ́m boiling the hell out of it.
How do you make a tissue dance?
You give it a little boogie.
How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad? You stab it 23 times.
How do you get a clown to stop smiling?
You shoot him in the face.
I'm going to your mom's house. Can you help me, planet?
What did Onett and Threed reply to their child? "I love you Twoson."
What do you call a place where people die?
Rosshall Academy.
What do you call a retreat in war?
A backup plan.
You heard a conversation between Sans and Papyrus:
Sans: "Sub bro."
Papyrus: "DON'T 'SUB' ME BROTHER! YOU STILL DIDN'T REDINTEGRATE YOUR PUZZLES!"
Sans: "Easy bro, I have done a ton of work today."
Sans: "A skele-ton."
(Drum effect)
Papyrus: "OH MY GOD SANS!"
So I went to the binoculars shop the other day. Tell you what, they saw me coming.
How do you knockout an unorthodox blue tooth?
You get a good connection.
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?
No?
They both got six months.
You know why I have so low IQ? It's because the left side of my brain gets nothing right, and the right side of my brain has nothing left.
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? -- Tequila Mockingbird.
What do you get when you cross a pedophile and an elementary school? Predator 3.
Ugh, don't you just hate it when you're having sex and your parents walk in the room and say, "No more dead babies for your mister, we are running low!"
What do you call a pansexual pedophile? Jesus
Did you know hospitals have an entire wing for free dead babies? It’s called the abortion center.
What do you call 3 people in a dark room? A porno
If you spell "swim" backwards you get "miws."
Where is my dad?
