You jokes
What do you call an animal that smells?
A smelly-phant.
That joke is really not funny.
Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar?
He got 12 months.
Worst joke ever.
Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.
Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.
Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.
Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?
Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Because the P is silent.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
Two of the worst jokes ever.
What do you call a crying dick?
I call it a crying dick.
So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."
What do you call a prehistoric crow? Crow-Magnon.
Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “Whatever you wish for comes true once you slide down.” One kid stepped up and slid down. He wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river.
The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money. He then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee!”
What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?
Ereptile Dysfunction!
What do you call a dog that is part pug, part poodle, and part cup?
A muggle! 🤠🤠🤠🤠🥴
So, three guys are walking carefully into a bar.
The bartender said, "What can I get you, gentlemen?"
Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?
He totally kilt her.
If you shit in a church, is it a holy shit?
How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?
Your dog's gone.
Your finances are done.
And your floaties.
What do you call James, James?
I heard you were looking for a stud. I have the STD, and all I need is U.
Q: What do women and KFC have in common?
A: Once you eat the breasts and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
When someone falls, you say to them, "I remember when I started to learn to walk."
How do you make a baby float?
You take your foot off its head.