Yard jokes

My Dad was mowing the grass today. I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.

People should build orphanages next to graveyards so at least orphans can see their parents.

This pastor decided to skip church one Sunday morning and go play golf.

He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.

He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried it an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.

An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"

Where did Sally go during the bombings? Everywhere!

Why didn’t the parents bother looking for her? Because she was in the front and back yard in small chunks! 😂

I was digging in my backyard and found a chest of coins. I wanted to run inside and tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging in the backyard.

I wish my grass was edgy...

then it would cut itself...

I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.

Just buy emo grass, then you will never have to mow your lawn again.

Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.

I wish the grass in my back lawn was emo, because then it would cut itself.

In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.

They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"

The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."

A bully walks up to a kid named Billy to insult him and steal his lunch money.

Later that night when he is at home, the bully’s father comes into his room to insult him and take the lunch money he stole.

The father walks down stair to check on his father in the living room. When he walks in, his father insults him and takes the lunch money.

The grandfather of the bully walks into the back yard and in the dark is Billy. The grandfather walks up to him and says “Where’s my money, you worthless old fart?”

Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that, too!"

I saw a kid in the yard and I asked where are your parents.

Then I got fired from the orphanage.

How would Stephen Hawking get rid of the police?

Go to the junkyard.

Adopting a kid is like having a yard sale! I mean, if the owners don't want it anymore, what makes you think I want it?

I wish my grass was emo, then it would cut for me.

Why did the farmer's wife chase the chickens out of the yard?

'Cause they were using fowl language!

Why was one afraid of every number in the world?

Because ONE wanted TWO get something THREE FOUR FIVE at the yard sale, but SIX was not there. SEVEN EIGHT NINE as well. When all but ONE remained, it got TENse.

I wish the grass in my yard was emo. It could just cut itself.