Yard jokes

Where did Sally go during the bombings? Everywhere!

Why didn’t the parents bother looking for her? Because she was in the front and back yard in small chunks! 😂

I wish the grass outside of my house was emo, because it would cut itself.

How do you cut your grass without a lawnmower?

You dye it blue and it will cut itself.

A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills. The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?" She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers." The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?" The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!" "That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?" The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."

I hate it when people are at my house and ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" What answer are they expecting? "No, we pee in the yard?"

I wish my grass was emo, then it would cut itself.