Wood jokes
I killed a Wood elf yesterday. The guard charged me with... mer-der.
How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!
What’s your favorite type of wood? Mine is Bollywood.
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wouldn't whistle, so I bought a steel whistle. But it still wouldn't whistle. So I bought a lead whistle, but it still wouldn't lead me to whistle.
I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.
They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.
What’s made of wood and is zig zag shaped?
Stephen Hawking's coffin.
I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"
People are like trees...
They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
So, a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
Boy: "Hey mister, it's getting dark out and I'm scared!"
Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter? He was shredding the floor...
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.
The little boy says, "I'm scared."
The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? -- A stick.
How do trees get online? -- They just log in.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
A termite walks into a bar and says, "Hey, is the bartender here?"