Women jokes
Teacher, there are 3 birds. 1 gets shot. How many are left?
Student, none. They flew off because the shot scared them off.
Teacher, actually 2, but I like the way you think.
5 minutes later
Student, there are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 is licking it, 1 is drinking it melted, and 1 is sucking it. Which one is married?
Teacher, the one sucking it?
Student, no, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think.
An old professor’s class used to begin with a dirty joke.
Following one particularly vulgar joke, the girls in the class decided to walk out the next time he began.
When the professor learned of this planned protest, he came in the next morning and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear about the scarcity of whores in Newfoundland?”
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
“Wait, ladies,” called the professor, “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”
If you see a woman get raped, just walk away. Don't bother helping. They're independent women, after all.
Why do heterosexual men and women that are married in France only perform anilingus on each other in their bedrooms?
Anal sex and oral sex is against the law in France.
What do feminists and tampons have in common?
They're both stuck-up cunts.
Why do more men than women support abortion? So they can keep raping women and the victims will just abort their kids to not have to relive the experience!
Women have eggs and milk in them...
And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.
The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.
Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
A woman brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.
The woman doesn't believe it and requests further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his head and leaves the room with his tail low.
The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs off quickly.
"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, "my beloved hamster is dead." "I'm sorry for your loss," the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars," says the vet. "What? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.
The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."
Why do men have penises?
They gotta shut women up somehow.
What's that useless skin around the vagina and the boobies?
The women.
Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u.
Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her).
Once a naked woman robs a bank, but sadly, no one can remember her face...
I like my women like I like my coffee: nice, fresh, and dead.
I like my women like I like my chocolate.
Edible.
I like my women like I like my coffee.
Without other people's dicks in it.
How many genders are there?
One, women are property.
Why are all women's feet small? So they can stand closer to the stove.