Women jokes

James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.

Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?

In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

'Cause it's a place to eat.

Why do women love Chinese food? Because WON TON spelled backward is NOT NOW!

Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.

If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).

What’s the difference between a woman and a policeman? One of them have rights.

I got a job at a library. I got fired after 15 minutes. They told me it was because I put women's rights in the fiction section.

I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.

It was women driving the planes for 9/11.

Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.

And 100% of men don’t care.

Why did God create women before men?

He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.

Dark humor and women are very similar...

Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.

At the library, I got in trouble for putting a cooking book in the women's section.

What do you call a group of transgender women?

X-Men.

I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.

What do you call a blank piece of paper?

Women's rights.

Why are Black women dating white men?

So their kids don’t have to worry about not meeting their father.

What’s the difference between women and condoms?

There isn’t a difference; they’re both throw aways.

Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.

Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"

Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."

Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"

Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"

Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."

Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."

What would Hitler be called if he abused women? Hither!