Women jokes
Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.
And 100% of men don’t care.
My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.
Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.
Why are heterosexual women jealous of gay men?
because gay men can perform fellatio on men better than they can.
modern feminism.
What do 100,000 battered women have in common? The bitch was wrong!
A man and a woman are watching clouds together. The man says, “Hey, that one looks like a giraffe!” The woman agrees and says, “That one looks like an elephant!” The man sits up and says, “That one looks like a mushroom.”
What do feminists and tampons have in common?
They're both stuck-up cunts.
What do women and Nvidia have in common?
They both do not make very good drivers.
Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.
Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"
Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."
Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"
Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"
Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."
Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."
Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.
Women be like chivalry is dead, then don't say thank you when you open the door for them.
Men play video games to let their inner child out, while women do abortions.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
Why do women love wind chimes?
They vibrate.
What is the difference between my dad’s generation and my generation of women?
He had Wonder Woman, and I have to wonder if it’s a woman.
What's the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody's looking, you slip in the disabled one.
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to.
He says to the first one, "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny."
He says to the second one, "You are addicted to food, you named your daughter Candy."
Then the third one whispers to her son, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
A guy wakes up one morning and is walking down the road, and he smells fish, and he says, "Good morning, ladies!"