Women jokes

I'm torn on the issue of abortion. I'm pro-abortion because it kills babies, but I'm against abortion because it gives women a choice.

I like my women like I like my microwaves.

Hot, ready to go when I am, and able to kill any baby I put in her.

I like my women how I like my fridge.

In the kitchen.

I like my women like how I like my cocaine, smuggled and cut clean.

A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him, "Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it.

The genie says, "This is your last wish so really make this one count." The guy says, "Well, I've always wanted to drive out to the Hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands." The Genie says, "That is asking for quite a lot and I'm not sure if I can pull that off, is there anything else you'd want?" The guy says, "Well, I've been married and divorced three times, and I just can't understand what I've been doing wrong. I've given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could, but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women." The genie thinks for a few moments and says, "Do you want a three or four lane highway?"

Q: What do women and KFC have in common?

A: Once you eat the breasts and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

Why do more women than men oppose abortion? Because they prefer not to get raped.

Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?

So we can think about a solution in silence.

Why do trans women go by she/her?

Because if they went by her/she, they'd be Hershey's.

big booty latinas.

I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.

What's 10 inches and makes women scream?

Cot death!

What’s the difference between football and rape?

Women don’t like football.

How do you put an end to MeToo? Just fill those combined showers with transgender women.

What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.

Flippity floppity, women are property.

There was a woman from Ealing, she had a peculiar feeling. She laid on her back, opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling.

When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"

Women are like dogs...

"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"

"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"

"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."

SHOES

Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend, Sally.

They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back, Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said, "You need to be quarantined again."

"No," Sally said, "I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups, especially women, like." Then the teacher faints.