New Woman Jokes - Page 38 - Worst Jokes Ever

A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."

Women are like rolls of toilet paper. They are either really cheap or expensive, you use them a lot, and they deal with a lot of sh*t.

What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?

Transparent.

What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.

When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"

Why do Indian men marry fat women?

What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?

Afterbirth.

Q: What do you call a "Wild Man" or "Wild Woman" on the Moon?

A: A Luna-Tic!

I like my dynamite like I like my woman: hot and ready to explode.

My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won't stop complaining about their mom.

Why do Indian men marry fat women?

Because they worship cows.

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Without other people's dicks in it.

You blow a kiss up your eyes your eyes where bright up your ass.

Why are women like diapers?

They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.

Bippity Boppity,

Women are property.

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."

So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.

What does a woman and Kentucky fried chicken Have in common? By the time you're done with the breasts and the thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.